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favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
- Proverbs 31:30 /

yes, i was half-hoping that it would have happen because i know that i would be proud to be one.
BUT no, i didnt get it in the end ):
if i were to say im not disappointed, i would be lying. but im sad not in the fact i couldnt get in but in the fact that i let my dad down. you know, when i broke the news to him, i could see his disappointed expression. as he read through the mag, he didnt say much ):
'just accept smu now' was all he said.

okay, probably half the world would have the urge to kill or strangle me because they cant exactly get into sth they want. but its different. really different. family backgrounds and circumstances are different such that many a times, we have to live up to certain kind of expectations.

everyone kept asking me why did i apply for them. and i said, ' cos my dad wants me to get in.' the reply i get? ' choose sth you want to do, hsiaoen.' the thing is, i still dont know what i want. since young, my schools have been planned out except for jc. i told my dad, ' dont worry, i went into SA but i still got 4As so i dont have to get into medicine to excel.' but i know thats not the reason. its the face, the pride

D:

okay, but i guess god knows me the best. and he knows the area i should keep away from because if i were given a choice, decisions would have been hard to make and certain weaknesses or BAD habits might re-emerged. but i really thank god for my mum, because at least she reassured me that god has the best plan for me! (:

im actually lost for words now on what im feeling :/ seeing david cook winning AI just now didnt exactly made me happy like how i thought it would be. this is affecting me quite a bit, unexpected though. i guess its because i did put in effort for the test and interviews.


(on another note, dont take this as emo. i just need time to re-adjust my feelings)