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favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
- Proverbs 31:30 /

you know what?
i enjoyed the walk from the tpy flat to the tpy station just now (: as in, i really enjoyed. whether it was talking to kaiyang and yujun, crapping with jinger, talking to liudi;jillian or listening to tiffany's quiz, i enjoyed that walk. it was different. i dont know in what sense different, just being encouraged by the way the sacg has grown. on my walk home to put my guitar down, i was really thankful to god for whatever has happened in the group till now, how relationships have grown and trust fostered through the times we spent together. not much, but seeing ppl enjoy one another's company, thats enough to thank god :D

cg was fun too. i was so happy when jillian said she could come and i was even happier when i saw that she enjoyed cg (hopefully), haha. at first, i was worried that we had only 7 ppl coming at the start, did it mean cg would be boring and that kaiyang wouldnt enjoy his first cg. well, the cg proved me wrong (: it was really a pity don and kenny were not around! but its alright, because our fun doesnt stop here. we still got our cg cheer for camp! :DDD

i love donovan, jillian, jinger, kaiyang, kenny, limin, liudi, ruying, tiffany, xingyi, yujun... and theres more to come as god continues to work through each and everyone of us and as he moves in SA :D

i wont be blogging anytime soon. and neither will i be gg on msn because im fasting from most entertainment like teevee, msn and blogging (: so do shoo me away if you see me on msn. haha.

2 lessons learnt from a day with god (:

1 the great commission is going to be fulfilled in our lifetime.
what am i going to do ; what am i going to invest in ; what am i going to tell my people?
a lot of things went through my mind as shirls asked us to pray last night. praying for my heart to expand, praying that even as my mind whirls at the thought of church planting and is blown off by what one of the church planter says, i will want to bring it back to my school first and do what i can in here before i talk about a much larger scale.
in my lifetime
thats both a scary and exciting word. scary because there are so much things undone and we have to do it within this 40 or 50 years we have in our lives. exciting because its precisely that we have only 40-50 years that we can really see how god is going to move so much more than now although he's already moving at such a fast speed.

but yes, i want to be part of this relay (: i want to cross that victory line for god.


2 god has his own perfect timing
okay this wasnt exactly learnt ytd but it was reinforced by jontay. seeing how things around me develop and evolves really shows me how god doesnt shortchange us. many a times, i fall into the trap of doing this and that which is not really necessary because i tell myself just in case god forgets. just in case. what a stupid 3 word-ed phrase. GOD DOESNT FORGETS AND GOD DOESNT SHORTCHANGE (: back doors are dumb, seriously. how can i doubt god when god has proven himself faithful to me time and time again. so just because of my own stupidity and selfishness, i go - just in case lah god. but from now, no more 'just in case'. let me be the righteous one that god will favour! (: aint that good enough. aint someone god chooses good enough, god NEVER makes mistakes. so why do i even worry.

no more i do it cos my leaders say so or the church says so, but doing it because i know thats how it all works. forcing my way and doing things my way will only result in the second best and hsiaoen, why will you want the second best? (: so the perfect timing, that will be what im waiting for. but ahhh, god, you got to remind me time and time again okay. (:


GSS! (:

yay! so, i went shopping today! :DDD and i spent time with my mummy alone! what a rare opportunity since ... i-dont-know when.

4b_ _ _ ! (yihui, huiqi and zhiwei will be SO proud of me now!)
an m)phosis bag (:
a pair of heels from charles and keith
coloured french pedicure with my mummy
AND I STILL GOT THAT LONSDALE LONDON BAG THAT I WANT TO GET! its really really really pretty. ask yujun and donny! especially the purple one! oh man, i shall work more zen jobs if i want to buy it myself without the help of my parents :D BUT i want to get it before camp so i can bring it for camp. hee. so that means, my daddy shall fork it out first.

okay, it was probably retail therapy and come to think of it, i think my mummy knew i had to get some retail therapy before i drown in my so-called self disappointment. i love my mummy, luh (: that was why she was so patient in accompanying me from one boutique to another even though most of the boutiques were realy crowded. hee.

i thank god for a wonderfully made day because almost the rest of the day went well. i had a good first tuition at hougang for this tpj girl, i went to my mum's cg and saw this 2 really CUTE 3 and 4 year old kids! :D i couldnt resist my urge in getting to know them. although the end of the night was rather screwed but this is the day that the lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it (:

and today, i revived the art of being bitchy in me. im not gg to bitch here but im gg to rant to god. for once, im so glad my life is working out much better than a lot of other ppl. at least i dont go around feeling pathetic and i dont go around self-pitying that i lose my aim and purpose in life. haha. okay, i shall stop here (: this is getting too tempting. uh-oh.


is your yelling suppose to scare me because im not really sure what im suppose to be scared of. rather i think your yelling is hurting me more than scaring me.

(i wanted to put my thoughts into words and at that exact moment, the protangonist on tv said these exact words which were like, BINGO)






just dont talk to me will you. its more than i thought i could ever take. gawd, i said i would try but it gets on my nerve. really! i need so much more grace love and yeah, just LOVE to overcome whatever im feeling now.


omg, coupled with the fact that i lost my phone ytd. my dad must be really upset.













))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):


yes, i was half-hoping that it would have happen because i know that i would be proud to be one.
BUT no, i didnt get it in the end ):
if i were to say im not disappointed, i would be lying. but im sad not in the fact i couldnt get in but in the fact that i let my dad down. you know, when i broke the news to him, i could see his disappointed expression. as he read through the mag, he didnt say much ):
'just accept smu now' was all he said.

okay, probably half the world would have the urge to kill or strangle me because they cant exactly get into sth they want. but its different. really different. family backgrounds and circumstances are different such that many a times, we have to live up to certain kind of expectations.

everyone kept asking me why did i apply for them. and i said, ' cos my dad wants me to get in.' the reply i get? ' choose sth you want to do, hsiaoen.' the thing is, i still dont know what i want. since young, my schools have been planned out except for jc. i told my dad, ' dont worry, i went into SA but i still got 4As so i dont have to get into medicine to excel.' but i know thats not the reason. its the face, the pride

D:

okay, but i guess god knows me the best. and he knows the area i should keep away from because if i were given a choice, decisions would have been hard to make and certain weaknesses or BAD habits might re-emerged. but i really thank god for my mum, because at least she reassured me that god has the best plan for me! (:

im actually lost for words now on what im feeling :/ seeing david cook winning AI just now didnt exactly made me happy like how i thought it would be. this is affecting me quite a bit, unexpected though. i guess its because i did put in effort for the test and interviews.


(on another note, dont take this as emo. i just need time to re-adjust my feelings)











you meet someone of the opposite sex. he or she really catches your eye.
uh-oh.
then you get to know this person, and you find out he or she has a great personality as well.
double uh-oh.
to top it off, this person sends you that "i'd like to get to know you better" vibe.
major uh-oh.
what about this, the person is just directly opposite you, just a cross of the road or even within your reach if you choose to take that path home.
MAJOR MAJOR UH-OH.



thank god i chose to stay put (: the truth is, we are all human and its natural for all of us to feel one way or another. BUT, the choice to stand firm, the choice to let God nurture our relationship and the choice to let the other person grow before you decide to do anything takes maturity. im not saying im very mature, neither am i so godly that i dont think much about how certain relationships i have with certain ppl can be further-ed. i did think much on my walk home just now on what would have happened if i had cross the line. uh-oh, then i could have fallen into the devil's trap and make myself more vulnerable to certain things that will tend to come after making such decisions.

now, i choose to want to be mature in my thoughts and actions. come to think of it, i should have been thinking more about raphael conviction, the jc ministry's vision and my own take-homes from today's prayer meet rather than all these! tsk, wake up hsiaoen! theres more to life than just THESE.

okay time to sleep. i have to wake up early for raph's clm tmr. shant go online then (:


(anyway, the above thoughts were inspired by the book i kiss dating goodbye. but its rather true in my life. haha.)