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favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
- Proverbs 31:30 /

spending one day alone really allows me to sort out whatever thoughts i had running through my mind the entire day. come to think of it, going down to nus alone wasn't such a bad idea afterall. i shouldnt troubled my mum last friday to bring me down just for five seconds. yeah, you didnt see it wrongly. 5 seconds. haha.

throughout the entire journey, everything i saw was linked to something i experienced in the past. the 74 bus i saw at dover mrt reminded me of the days in seasons view (: the big function room where i mugged for prelims and Os and the warm and fuzzy jaccuzzi that never failed to make me relax each time i stepped into it. it made me rmb how my mum use to drive me around back and fro to places i want although she had so many errands to run and so many housework to do.

you know, when i was eating lunch at home one day last week, i realise my mum kept on turning her head to look at me. thats when i realise, i havent exactly been spending time with her. the way she looked at me made me real guilty. like what zhiwei said, it was the ' i want to take a few more good looks at my daughter because i havent really seen her for quite some time' kind of look. D: and thats why im going to come home for dinner every night this week! (: except on cg day. i need to make up for lost time before it becomes too late. i realise i talk as if im gg into ns soon, but nah, im not. haha.

going back to my journey, on my way home, i alighted at redhill to take the mrt. thats when i got all nostalgic. i remember that was the place we had games for student conference in 2005. the exact mrt that qian told me she was gg to be my shepherd and the exact same mrt where i was really hurt and angry towards joy, qian and the group. it was pride i guess. precisely because qian was younger than me and because she said it in front of a few ppl whom i cant really rmb. BUT, haha. i've moved on. all these are but memories that serve to remind me about my past failures and struggles and how i've grown since that student conference till now.

so i can say, i've sorted out most of my thoughts today. well, except for this one issue that i think will continue to plague me unless i choose to ignore it and let it fade with time. but for now, status quo might just be the best solution.

on a last note, from this week onwards, its a brand new stage for me. the old has gone, the new has come. and its time, no matter how i feel, to put my heart, soul, mind and strength into this new bunch of saints god has entrusted to me (: