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favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
- Proverbs 31:30 /

was playing with my brother just now and i realised how little time i've spent with him and my family since 2008 started. it might sound dumb, but when i hugged and fought with him, he seemed to have grown taller. which is normal definitely. and i missed the days when i came home to play, fight and just watch tv tgt with him. i really should spend more time at home nowadays (: at least before he turns 13, when he will start to build up his own world because he's growing up.

on the other hand, as i was reflecting on alot of issues that was running through my mind today, i couldnt help but to remember how i would wish that i could take a peep of (secret) everyday, although it was rather unachievable ; how seeing (secret) among the crowd would have made my heart jumped a beat ; how one phone call or sms less made me uncomfortable ; how i wished that we had the same (secret) ; how i wish that i didnt (secret); how i put up a false front to look all right in front of (secret) when actually i am not.

but now, when most things seem to go the way i want them to, i feel lost, really lost. sometimes i try, while at others, i cant help but to retract back whatever i had set out to do. ohwell, i guess, ultimately, god loves me and he doesnt want me to fall into temptations that will draw me away from him, that will be beyond what i can bear (: its so true, even right now.


i hope (secret) becomes a thing of the past now. it will very soon be, with god's strength, grace and my decision to want to obey the right things at the right time :D