Monday, August 11, 2008
i typed one whole blog post and deleted it soon after.
i typed a few long smses and deleted them as well.
i thought a lot for the entire day and the only conclusion i drew, although unwillingly at times was
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.why?
because i dont have the liberty to be angry at times,
because i dont have the liberty to show my frustrations openly when i really am
because i dont have the liberty to do whatever i want without people coming to tell me: hey ens, that wasnt very right.
because i dont have the liberty to ignore even when i really really want to
because i dont have the liberty to argue and pretend nothing ever happen
because i dont have the liberty to gossip and bitch and do everything a girl would do
because at the end of the day, the life that i lead are linked to so many others that one wrong move i make might just result in a catastrophic consequence
.(probably not that bad, but it will still be bad)
im not exactly a mel person, but i know i've been thinking the whole day on alot of issues. at the end of the day, people are concern, people understand after they hear about stuff, but somehow, i feel that i want to be selfish enough to keep my thoughts to myself. i dont want the same thing that happened to Y and me to happen again. maybe i shld really heed D's advice followed by C.
there will never come a day i will be able to do everything well, but i just want to tell myself with a clear conscience, like what C said, that i've done my best
but what constitutes my best
?i really dont know.
but,when my best causes me to be misunderstood, causes me to fumble, causes me to think twice about what im doing, i dont know if i want to continue my best, seriously.
i think i dont sound myself in this post D:
on a side note, like what jontay says, there are always things to thank God for and one of them includes the meet up with the J3s at cathay on sat. i remember telling limin, the pastures are greener on the other side. i wonder, if i had foreseen the circumstances now, would i have said the exact same words. i really wonder (:
I see a happy ending/ 1:50 AM
Monday, August 04, 2008
i have learnt now that while those who speak of their miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent usually hurt more
how many times do ppl know that when you are silent, you are hurt? the same feeling came back all over again. but this time, his words came into my mind. i dont want to put my own stumbling blocks into my own paths, because that would hurt myself and the people ard me.
I see a happy ending/ 1:55 AM
Sunday, August 03, 2008
finished ftb run 2 (: a sense of achievement. and like what qianjin said, i really learnt from this camp. but apart from the learnings, i was really shagged. havent had such camps for quite some time and im having muscle aches and blue blacks ): okay, probably not as much as the rest cos i didnt do tunnelling ): or played most of The Last Stand games but its hurting and i have no idea how im gg to drive tmr. i wont have strength to press the clutch!
i feel like such a pig because i slept from 2 last night till 10 this morning and then from 1 till 7 at night. my bed never felt more comfy than before and the food on my dining table never felt SO nice before. the food at ftb was seriously BAD.
clm last night was great :D there's always timely reminders on what i can, have and should do even more for my group whom like god, deserves the BEST.
worship was aptif you were to lose the whole world, would you still choose god?
teaching was good“Not all readers become leaders. But all leaders must be readers.”– Harry Truman
and yes i get it, i shld
start reading the book jontay passed me. enough procrastination and enough its-not-in-my-blood kind of attitude. like what shirls said, if you dont have it, just go and get it.
last phrase that really got me thinking.
what’s the use of arriving safely at the wrong destination
it ties in absolutely with ftb (:
I see a happy ending/ 10:36 PM
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
im so glad i chose to do the right thing! i think i've finally got the knot off my heart. god, once again, continue to enlarge it so that i dont stop at what i've just did (:
on another note, im just so irritated with my smu email! :/ its SO full that it could explode anytime. they really send emails for the SMALLEST of things! i dont exactly have the time to bother abt my inbox and its killing me!
and time is running out this week. i dont have all the time in the world. okay, i just pray that i can leave FTB earlier on sat, come on god, just this once :D you know i never like camps as such. i think i shld have chosen run 3/4! ): IM SO DREADING THURSDAY! and great,
im gg to miss the pre-camp dinner tmr so im gg to be a step back. great, just great!
now the whole world is talking about SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL. matric, cca, medical checkup, career talk and before i know it, school's will start. i actually LOVE my life very much now that i would rather not start school. but, that would just be another dream of mine ):
and back to the qns, should i or should i not? responsibilities, management, lives, privilege, comfort zone. now you tell me, should i or should i not?
I see a happy ending/ 2:31 AM
Monday, July 21, 2008
it was a big sigh of relief (:
yay! i must really thank god for the entire bbq! :D more pics are gg to be up on the unit blog when i pass it on to someone else! but im really glad the saints enjoyed themselves. and that wen and huaiching came (: this really open my perspective as to how events like this are really useful! okay, i've got to start planning more!
I see a happy ending/ 1:13 AM
Thursday, July 17, 2008
sometimes i really hate it when you say you'll try
and then, you don't
I see a happy ending/ 1:53 AM
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
IM A HAPPY LITTLE GIRL! ((((:
after 2 days of SHOPPING with yihui, min and my mummy, i bought
1 pair of shoes
this is just the start
of uni. i cant believe the number of camps that are being organised just for us freshmen. being the unsociable me, i only signed up for FTB, because its compulsory. come to think of it, im half excited, half dreading uni to start. im starting later than the rest and i found out that almost all my uni events actually crash with ministry ones. oh great! i really need to depend on god a great deal more.
I see a happy ending/ 1:23 AM
ens ; 06S02 ; 12/07/1989 ; SAcg ; paiis ; EJS